College football is the most nakedly self-interested of all the sports we love. 

That's why it's failings are the most human, the most susceptible to special interest capture, the least logical, a banana football republic.

Most sports have a common interest that unites them in pursuit of a common pot of championship gold, college football does not.

Think about the sports you love for a minute, it's easy for the NFL, the NBA, Major League Baseball, the NHL, hell, even college basketball to decide upon an egalitarian method of crowning a champion.

Why?

Because in their essence these are all benevolent dictatorships on a yearly quest to distribute money to winners. 

Television is driving all of conference realignment. 

Whether it's the Longhorn Network that precipitated last year's slate of realignment or the massive rights deal recently inked by the SEC that set rights fees soaring into the stratosphere, television is the driving force behind the seismic shifts in college athletics. 

But most of these shifts are relatively small, that is, most conferences have plenty of anchor teams that clearly aren't going to relocate for a bigger paycheck. 

And with the rights fees explosion in college athletics we're talking about the SEC, Pac 12, ACC, Big Ten, Big East, and Big 12 bringing in around $1.2 billion dollars a year in total rights fees for all sports. 

That sounds like a lot, but all of college footbal is still $700 million less a year than ESPN pays for Monday Night Football by itself. Indeed, the NFL's 32 teams bring in nearly $5 billion a year in television revenue.  

The ACC's hopes to ever be a relevant football conference hangs in the balance right now while Florida State's brain trust contemplates a divorce and remarriage with the Big 12. 

Yes, the Big 12, erstwhile dead man walking for the past three seasons has the potential to deal a crippling blow to ACC football. 

Why?

Because the Big 12 has to get to 12 teams if Florida State is in play. Which team would make an oustanding 12th? Miami. In one fell swoop the Big 12 could cut out the most valuable state in the ACC. Then we're talking about a conference without a single national football game all season. 

Seriously, what's the "best" yearly ACC football game left?

Virginia Tech -- Georgia Tech? Virginia Tech -- North Carolina?

The fact that these are the top two that come to mind shows you how dire the straits would be for the ACC. 

I've never threatened divorce or even really thought of it, as Charles Barkley once told me via Denzel Washington -- this is true -- "She may leave me, but I ain't never leaving her," -- but this week's "Time" cover would have done it.

How could a dad allow his son to appear on this cover?

How? 

This poor kid will never escape the fact that he can remember breastfeeding from his mom. What's more, nothing dies on the Internet and his mom is hot. Is there a worse thing in the world for a 13 year old boy then the day when his 7th grade friends find this picture on the Internet?

Can you imagine walking in to soccer practice -- this kid is definitely playing soccer -- and seeing this plastered all over the locker room wall?

Look, I defer to my wife on pretty much everything dealing with our kids. But this is a time a when a dad had to say no. 

And threaten divorce. 

The Big 12 still has ten members. 

It's an incompetent, broken conference that has two real powers -- Texas and Oklahoma -- and eight satellite schools that are so brow-beaten and terrified of the future that they will allow Texas to pimp slap them around whenever it feels like it. (Okay, Oklahoma State has T. Boone and is linked at the hip to Oklahoma so let's make it seven bitches).

Hell, West Virginia was willing to cut Louisville to become Texas's newest bitch. 

That's some crazy pimp love for you. 

So Kansas, Kansas State, Baylor, Iowa State, West Virginia, Texas Tech, and TCU are all part of Texas's harem. 

When Texas asks them to jump, they ask how high. 

Instead of putting a breast feeding three year old on the cover of Time, these seven schools could have all been shown suckling at the Texas teat. 

Yesterday the Lexington newspaper published this cartoon, taking a shot at Kentucky coach John Calipari's NCAA history and a recent contretemps over continuing the Indiana basketball series. 

Predictably, Kentucky fans, the dumbest fan base in the country, took the jab with good humor, realized that cartoons are, you know, cartoons, and moved on about their business. (By "business" I mean faking how many children they have to increase their welfare payments so they can buy more UK2K t-shirts.).  

Wait, that didn't happen. 

Instead they reacted like religious zealot Muslims when a cartoon of the Prophet Muhammad was published.

I mean, it's not like Kentucky fans published the home address and phone number of the cartoon's creator, a 28 year Pulitzer prize winning veteran, and encouraged vigilanteeism on one of the most popular public message boards in the country?

The Big East is a complete mess. 

Without a commissioner, now with football teams in California, Idaho, and Texas, the conference, once known for its gritty big-city basketball wars, has no real identity.

What's more, the inevitable conflict between football and basketball schools is untenable long term. The basketball schools don't won't to play a weakened slate of conference games with teams that no one in their footprint cares about at all.

Georgetown - Central Florida for all the marbles just doesn't have much of a ring to it.

And the football schools the Big East is adding, Memphis and Temple excepted, bring little to the table over the past couple of decades. 

So is it time for a basketball-centric move? Could the Big East basketball schools form a Catholic league?

Why not?

A few months ago I posted the highest rated sports talk radio stations in the country for November 2011. 

Lots of y'all loved getting a chance to review these numbers because there is no other real compilation of show ratings. For some reason this information isn't as widely shared as, say, television ratings, which are easily found all over the Internet. If you feel like your station is being slighted or if I left your station out, run the numbers here and you can email me. 

Now, before we get to the ratings, there are two important caveats to share.

1. These are ratings in the local market.

Again, this isn't how many total people listen. If you wanted total sports talk listeners the most listened to would be Jim Rome, Dan Patrick, and whoever is on ESPN radio. Those are nationally syndicated shows. 

These numbers reflect how highly rated shows are in their respective local markets. Basically, which stations most dominate their landscapes. If you aren't on the dial in a city then, clearly, you can't compete there.

Otherwise, you might as well just rank cities by total population since more people listen to the radio in cities with more population.   

These rankings are a compilation of the highest rated stations in the top fifty markets in the country. In theory all of these numbers are standardized because they are based upon the the March 2012 PPMs. PPMs are devices worn by a representative sample of listeners in the largest radio markets in the country.

Smaller markets still do not have the PPM meters so their numbers, based on the old diary method which involves writing down what you listen to from memory, are much less accurate. 

I know lots of y'all, increasingly, listen online or on smartphone apps. Unless you're actually in the local market when you're listening then you don't count in ratings data.  

Okay, OKTC readers, it's Friday at noon and I know many of y'all are ready to bail for the weekend. 

But, first, homework assignment. 

Remember the LSU fan who was teabagged? Per tips, he's filed a civil lawsuit in New Orleans, Louisiana state court. 

His name? Garrison Stamp.

Which, somehow, is the exact name you would expect for this guy to have. 

Here are the particulars of the lawsuit:

Garrison Stamp

v.

Brian Downing; The Krystal Company; Big Easy Enterprises LLC

5/3/2012 2012-04403 A

(New Orleans)

Lawsuit for premises liability and battery. In January, the plaintiff was at the Krystal Burger restaurant on Bourbon Street and was incapacitated. While he was incapacitated, defendant Downing exposed his genitals and engaged in a number of lewd acts, including touching the plaintiff with his genitals and simulating sex acts upon plaintiff while touching plaintiff with his exposed genitals, also known as "tea bagging." Then Downing posted a video of the incident on YouTube. The employees at Krystal Company ignored the incident.

 This Jay Cutler photo is glorious. 

Absolutely, positively glorious. 

Everything about it is perfect. 

That's why whoever took this photograph is our beaver pelt trader of the week. 

Here are the nine things I love the most about this picture. 

1. Cutler's hair. 

How is it possible for hair to naturally do this?

It's all puffy and slanted to the left. Take a break from working -- it's Friday you're not really working anyway -- and try to make your hair do this without using any gel or hairspray product. 

It's impossible. 

Which means Cutler had to choose to style his hair like this before he took the Yorkshire Terrier for a walk. 

2. The dog. 

Look at the dog's face, even he looks angry. 

The dog looks like he's thinking, "Even I hate being a part of this relationship. My eyes can't unsee what I see every day."