I know, I know, I've been lax in setting up the games this season. There should have been a drinking game for the big game doubleheader, LSU at Florida and Georgia at South Carolina. And I should have had a drinking game last weekend for the Cocktail Party and...basically I've failed all of you.
As we embark upon the first #cbsdrink of 2012, it's important to know that our game has become so popular that everyone on the telecast is aware of the games. In fact, go to Google right now and type in Verne Lundquist. The third Google autocomplete? Our drinking game. The OKTC crew is a powerful and mischevious lot.
I'll also be at the game, in the press box, which means I won't hear the audio broadcast. So you guys have to be my eyes and ears. This means I need as many of you as possible to be playing along at the hashtag #cbsdrink.
I feel pretty confident that we can make the hashtag trend nationally at some point during the game.
As if you aren't hyped enough for this game, watch this.
Now let's drink.
1. Every time the camera catches Les Miles in an awkward hand clap, drink.
This is a strong one to start with, in fact, if CBS really wanted to, they could make you drunk just off this rule.
If you aren't familiar with the Les Miles hand clap, here it is:
2. Whenever Uncle Verne Lundquist misidentifies a player, team, or mistakes a clear incomplete pass for a completion or basically makes an unbelieveable announcing error, drink.
Good luck with this one.
3. Every time there is a highlight from either the BCS title game or last year's game in Tuscaloosa, drink.
I know, I know, we're starting really strong. Pace yourselves.
4. Les Miles and Nick Saban are tied at 3-3 since Saban came to Alabama.
Drink when this is mentioned.
If the phrase "rubber match," or "game seven" is used, finish your beer.
5. Every time the Honey Badger is mentioned, drink.
If the Honey Badger is shown in the crowd, do a shot.
If the Honey Badger is shown in the crowd smoking a joint, Twitter will explode, ending the drinking game for all of us.
6. Every time Gary Danielson grimaces and points out an open receiver that Zach Mettenberger missed, drink.
If Danielson telestrates a missed Mettenberger touchdown, finish your beer. (This is 100% guaranteed to happen).
7. When Uncle Verne chortles, drink.
If he chortles after saying, "Oh. My. Goodness." you have to finish your drink.
If you don't know what the Uncle Verne chortle is, reconsider several elements of your life.
And here's a video.
8. Is LSU punter Brad Wing from Australia?
I'm not sure.
But drink every time this is mentioned.
If Uncle Verne does an Aussie accent, finish your beer.
9. AJ McCarron has not thrown an interception since 1974.
Every time it is mentioned that he doesn't throw interceptions, drink.
10. Uncle Verne loves to exaggerate French accents when LSU is playing.
Every time Uncle Verne exaggerates a French accent, drink.
(Note: this will happen for sure every time Drew Allemon kicks).
11. Whenever the CBS cameras catch hot coeds in the crowd and you pause your DVR to look at them, drink.
If the men beside them have inevitably outkicked their coverage, drink anew.
12. Pre or postgame challenge: drink the entire time Tracy Wolfson interviews Les Miles on the sideline.
It's almost impossible to not spit-take based on something Miles says.
See if you can drink through the entire interview without laughing.
13. Nick Saban will not smile throughout the entire game.
But if the camera catches him smiling, finish your beer.
If Saban has gatorade poured on him and chokes a player to death on the sideline, rejoice that the trial will be in Louisiana instead of Alabama, where Saban would be freed without trial.
14. If Tracy Wolfson uses the word multiplicity while interviewing Les Miles, do a shot.