It’s Tuesday, time for the anonymous mailbag. Send your anonymous mailbag questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, anonymity guaranteed.
Thanks to all of you ripping ESPN for not crediting either Outkick or me for the Johnny Manziel interview they are featuring on the front page of their site.
Here’s that full interview on YouTube courtesy of SportsBook Review and IFBC 2017.
With that in mind, here we go with the anonymous mailbag.
“What an episode!!! Game of Thrones is the best show out there and it isn’t even close.
Which brings me to a little problem I have coming up- I am getting married this weekend. I was so ecstatic that I convinced my fiancee to get married before football season (we are SEC football ticket holders) that I completely blanked on how it would affect my ability to watch game of thrones. We are headed to the Dominican Republic for our honeymoon this Sunday and I’m not sure how to convince my wife to let me watch GoT on our first night at the resort. Even worse, in what I originally thought was a brilliant move, I booked the last flight out of the Dominican Republic the next Sunday to give us as much time there as possible, but the late flight puts us in Atlanta for a layover while Episode 6 is airing.
So, I need your help. Question 1- how do I convince my wife to let me watch Episode 5 at the resort on our first night? Part 2, pending that I don’t contract lice and get banned from reentering the country, how do I watch Episode 6 in the Atlanta airport?”
First, I have significant questions about your mate selection. Why doesn’t your wife also watch Game of Thrones? Presumably you have been dating for a decent amount of time — i.e. this isn’t a shotgun wedding — if that’s true how have you guys been dating for a year or more and you haven’t converted her to watching the show with you?
Second, this is a one hour show. And it airs at 9 et. If you’re anything like most couples your wedding will be stressful and overwhelming and you’ll be interested in rest and relaxation on the honeymoon. So I don’t see how it’s that difficult to take an hour out of the honeymoon festivities to watch the show. The biggest issue may be ensuring your hotel/resort has HBO. I watched last week’s episode on HBO in Costa Rica. The broadcast was in English, but there were Spanish subtitles. Your other option is getting your wife to go to sleep and then watch it at 11 et, when it airs all over again.
It’s important to note that your HBO Go won’t work outside the United States. So you might not be able to stream the show at your convenience if you miss it live.
In general, my advice would be this — don’t be a pussy, just tell your new wife that you have to watch “Game of Thrones” live or you’re going to call off the wedding.
“My husband and I had a situation occur the other day that I need you to weigh in on.
We were jokingly chatting about when it would be acceptable to cheat on your spouse. So I asked, “What if my vagina just closed up?” He chuckled and responded, “Well that’s impossible because then you couldn’t pee.” I looked at him like he was crazy and then he reaffirmed, “If your vagina closed up, you wouldn’t be able to pee, so they’d have to fix that medically.” I asked incredulously, through tears of laughter, “You think I pee out of my vagina?” He again confirmed that females pee out of their vagina. I immediately gave him a lesson in female anatomy and he shockingly says, “You have three holes?! I mean I knew you had two, but three?!” And then goes on to say that he guesses such lesson was left out of the sex education curriculum at his all boys catholic high school. It is important to note that this man has watched me give birth, likely seen his fair share of pornography, was a D1 college lacrosse player at a large university with a well established program so he has certainly seen his fair share of lady bits, and beyond that knows what he’s doing in the bedroom – which I wrongly assumed would take a basic understanding of female anatomy.
So, this brings me to my question: what percent of men are unaware that “women have 3 holes” and don’t in fact “pee out of their vaginas?” Lastly, if the percentage is substantial, would you be willing to use your platform to give a little female anatomy refresher to your readers?”
I’m not sure I’ve ever given any thought to how women pee before, but I honestly would be in your husband’s camp here, I would also think that if a woman’s vagina was sewn up she wouldn’t be able to pee. And if your husband and I both believe that, I’d think a huge percentage of men have to believe it too.
That’s particularly the case when you consider that a man of average intelligence is really, really dumb.
I think if you gave men a test and the options were, do women have three holes in their genital region or two holes, the vast majority of men would pick two holes.
My wife just also read this answer at the airport and these were her exact comments, “How could you be this stupid? This just proves men are the laziest species on the planet and don’t even give a single bit of thought to the tail that you chase all day long, every day.” Then she continued, incredulous. “I mean, you think about pussy all day and you never gave this any thought? Do you know how babies are made? Do you know that we have three kids?”
So this answer didn’t go very well for me.
I’m out here just taking flack for men all over the planet.
“I’m a long time reader, and I had my own run in with Title IX while going back to school for a 3rd career as an RN. It is nowhere near as salacious as the USC kicker story, but I think it gives a fair glimpse into the absolute farce that is Title IX enforcement.
I was a 31 year old male going back to school for my RN, BSN. I was in a program that was accelerated…everyone in it had already finished a bachelor’s degree in another field prior to matriculation. Ages ranged from 25-45. I was one of 9 males amongst a class of 44.
At the end of the first semester, I had developed friendships with a little group of 4-5 individuals, all female. Purely platonic, I promise. One of them, “Misty”, was getting married at the interim between spring and summer semesters, and was terrified of getting pregnant before the wedding. On a tour of an OB/GYN clinic, I joked privately to this friend that she was in the right place to get a pregnancy test and then she could just relax. My friend laughed and shoved me.
Apparently, a 3rd party….and also one of the 4-5 friends…overheard the joke (I thought I was out of earshot) and reported it as “inappropriate” to the director of the nursing program. She then forwarded the complaint to the Title IX compliance office. I was notified of this complaint on a Friday, by email. The email stated I was suspended from all educational activity until I came to campus for an interview. All activity. Including clinicals which were to occur over the weekend and were absolutely mandatory.
I show up to the Title IX office in total bewilderment about what was going on. They placed me in a conference room with a yellow legal pad and a pen. 10 minutes later a very imposing gentleman entered stating he was so and so, the investigator for the University, and that he was a former detective with the city police. He never advised me of any rights. He also never initially leveled any accusations. He sat down and said, “tell me what you did.” I had no idea. I asked what I was there for and what I was being accused of, and if I needed a lawyer present. He said I was not allowed a lawyer as this wasn’t a criminal proceeding. Eventually, he came to reveal I was being accused of sexual harassment for the joke I told. He never stated who accused me or what exactly they accused me of. I was just told to confess. I explained the joke…and how it was to a friend, etc. After 2 hours, I was allowed to leave with my suspension temporarily lifted so I could attend clinicals over the weekend.
Immediately contacting friends, including the one to whom the joke was told, it became apparent the complaint was from this third party. “Misty” had been summoned and questioned at the same time I had, and had explained it was a harmless joke and it didn’t bother her at all.
On Monday afternoon, I was called and summoned back to campus to speak with another individual…a psychologist (Masters prepared) who was a professor and author from another school. He interviewed me…I would call it borderline interrogation…to see if I was “actually sorry” for the harm I had caused and if I was a candidate for “restorative justice” towards the afflicted party. Honestly, Clay…I was in full what-the-fuck mode but in my research over the prior weekend, I had become very aware of how the Title IX folks can fuck with your education. I answered this quasi-lunatic and his interrogation. Afterwards, the ex-detective came and replaced the psychologist. He was there to inform me I had been found “guilty” by the standard of the “preponderance of evidence” of committing sexual harassment. I was to attend school-based counseling for my “issues”…no fewer than 4 sessions. I was also informed, extremely thoroughly, that ANY attempt to contact and/or discuss this with the accusing party (whom they still never named) would be considered as a flagrant violation of the “no revenge” policy and I would be immediately expelled.
I was allowed to rejoin classes immediately, however.
All of this…over a joke…
This country is fucked.
The best damn heart nurse in America.”
I got a ton of absurd Title IX stories, but this one was my favorite. When even male nurses are under investigation for the jokes they tell to their friends, you know we’ve gone too far.
It’s time for reasonable people, male and female alike, to seriously take a step back and contemplate what’s going on here. Do we really want to live in a country like this? Where if you don’t like a harmless joke you lead to a student interrogation and investigation?
We also need to consider what kind of people want jobs like these. Do you think a reasonable person goes to work as a Title IX investigator or do you think the people who take these jobs are already inclined to believe that men are evil? I think it’s the latter. This means that many investigations are biased against men from the start.
Put simply, a normal person doesn’t have a job investigating campus jokes.
The people being publicly shamed here shouldn’t be the joke tellers, it should be the people anonymously complaining to Title IX investigators.
I’ve made this suggestion before, but every week one person who makes a baseless complaint on campus should be penalized and forced to wear around a posterboard strapped to them that says, “I’m a complete pussy for complaining about things that don’t really matter.”
How quickly do you think that would change behavior? If the people who are perpetually offended knew that they could end up being publicly shamed too? Because right now we have an unequal playing field, people think if they are offended that everyone else has to bow down to them and apologize.
We need to end this charade that you have a right not to be offended in this country.
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