Anonymous Mailbag

It’s Tuesday, time for the anonymous mailbag.

But before we get rolling here, I want to tell you this, do you have way too much credit card debt? If you do, and you own your own home, you need to contact my guy Ryan Kelley at The Home Loan Expert and let him wipe out that credit card debt you’re carrying at high interest rates and replace it with a very low interest rate mortgage. Seriously, if you have credit card debt, own a home, and are carrying that credit card debt around month to month with insanely high interest rates, it’s time to get out of the debt crunch and make a smart financial decision. Go to The HomeLoanExpert.com today and get a new mortgage.

 

Okay, here we go with the anonymous mailbag.

“Since I know you are a big fan of boobs and also porn, what is up with the epidemic of step-sibling porn out there now?

Obviously, these pornstars are not actually step-siblings but you go through pornhub and about every 5th video seems to be about it. Hell three out of the top ten channels have something to do with this fantasy.

I was lucky my parents never divorced but I can’t see myself wanting to bang my step-sister. So I consider this on par with first cousin sex. Thoughts?

Disclaimer: if the girl is hot I still watch the step-sibling porn…”

I am so glad someone asked this question.

I just don’t get it at all.

The amount of step-mom and step-sister porn is at epidemic levels in this country. My parents never divorced so I never experienced this splintered family business, but this might be the number one sign that America is totally fucked up.

All you sick perverts have been secretly jerking off to your step-sisters for years and YOU’RE STILL DOING IT AS ADULTS! (It’s one thing if there’s some 16 year old kid who is jerking off to step-sister videos because he has some hot ass step-sisters living in the same house with him, but some of you are 45 years old now still rubbing it out to your step-sister from 1993. Have some decency and self-respect, please. Jerk off like a damn gentleman to college girls like the rest of us.)

Every time I go on PornHub and check to see what’s trending — sidenote, am I the only one who checks the trending/hot porn just to make sure I’m not missing something good? Wisdom of the masses and all. I also check the most searched terms at least once a week just in case there’s some viral video I’m missing too — the amount of step-mom and step-sister porn is out of this world.

Lord’s honest truth, other than than that Mia Khalifa step-sister and step-mom Muslim porn she made that trended number one for like half a year and probably set an all time record for Middle Eastern male jerk offs that would lead to eternal damnation if your mullah only knew, I haven’t ever seen any of it.

Most stuff that people jerk off to I’m not surprised by, but I’m baffled by the amount of interest in this.

You understand that these aren’t real step-mom’s or step-sister’s right? They’re just porn stars pretending to be these things. It’s one thing if a porn star is pretending to be a cheerleader or a real estate agent — seriously, the amount of real estate agents getting banged showing houses is so prevalent in porn now I don’t think I could buy a new house without expecting sex as a part of the house deal — but pretending to be a family member is just a bridge too far for me.

I will say this, I do love visiting PornHub right after I’m on Twitter. Because all of left wing Twitter is people fake posturing and pretending to be such social justice warriors and then I know the same SJWs crying about Donald Trump being such a Nazi are hitting PornHub and tearfully masturbating to gang bang videos.

And this is their interior monologue: “Why is my penis so sexist! Why does my penis want women to be naked and spend forty minutes on a blow job?! That’s so misogynistic! And why do I like the good looking women, naked with perfect bodies and not the fat, hairy women in afghan comforter sweaters talking about microaggressions? Why penis, why penis, why penis!”

My next book is just going to be about the two sides of the Internet — the one where men act like fake men to try and make women like them — even though women don’t actually like men who act like fake men — and the one where men act like real men and jerk off to step-sister videos all day long.

Basically, women, I’m not sure you should marry any of us.

“I’m 33, divorced with a kid, great job. About six months ago I started dating a 24 year-old. I’m a decent looking guy and keep in shape, but she is hard 9, with an awesome body. Way out of my league if I was her age. The only issue is that she has small boobs. If she had a solid C cup, she would hit a 10.
Of course I pay for everything when we go out, but she has her own job and she’s never asked for me to pay for her car, apartment or any of that, so I don’t think she is a gold digger. She really is a sweet girl, we have good chemistry, great sex, frequent blowjobs, pretty much everything you want. Checks all the boxes and although we haven’t talked about it much yet, I could see this moving towards marriage eventually. It came up in a conversation that (despite being smoking hot) she is insecure about her boobs and would like to get a boob job someday in the future.
 
Obviously if I marry this girl, she’s getting new boobs, but here’s the question – is it ever acceptable to offer to buy a girl that you’re only dating a boob job? The reason I ask is if I wait until we are married, I’ll have a hot wife with nice boobs…that won’t sleep with me as much because we’re married.
 
If I get her a boob job now, I get a smoking hot 24 year old with great boobs who will probably have even more sex with me than she already does. But I’ll also be a guy that bought his 24 year old girlfriend a boob job, which isn’t a great look.
 
The only downside I see, other than the creep factor, is if she gets super confident and leaves me. Honestly, we’ve been together for six months and she doesn’t strike me as that kind of girl. But even if she did, as long as it wasn’t immediately after the surgery and she stuck around another few months, I would count it as money well spent.
 
What’s my play here?”
I think you do it, but you keep it quiet that you paid for it. This way two things can happen: 1. most people won’t know she got her boobs done for sure and only close friends would even ask. (The technology on bras today is unbelievable and most people aren’t as focused on your girlfriend’s chest as you are) and 2. many people will just assume she bought the boobs herself if they do notice she has boobs.
Sure, you’re the anonymous boob benefactor, but why can’t you be like an anonymous donor to a school and just keep quiet about it? People may suspect you bought the boobs, but no one will know for sure unless you or her tell them. Plus, I think it’s a much better look for you if she does it on her own.
If the news gets out, can’t you see your ex-wife losing her mind and telling everyone she knows that her no-good, idiot husband has already gone out and bought his 24 year old girlfriend new boobs? Then perhaps that animus gets directed at your kid or negatively impacts your relationships in general. (Not that your wife isn’t already furious that you’re dating a smoking hot 24 year old, but what does she expect you to do? Start dating women older than her? Com one, let’s not get crazy here.)
Not to mention you think you might want something serious here. What will your future in-laws think? You guys have been together six months and you’re the divorced guy with a kid she’s dating who is so committed to their daughter that you bought her boobs? I agree that’s not a good look for you. Moreover, no parents on the planet have ever thought this when they picture their future son-in-law — “I hope he’s already divorce, has a kid, and buys our daughter boobs within six months of meeting her.”
So I think you go the anonymous boob donor route here. You buy them, but allow her to claim she saved up the money and did it herself if anyone asks how she got them.
It’s the perfect solution, honestly.
Enjoy.
“So my sister is getting married next month. It’s going to be a big (250 person) wedding and she is going to be very happy. My sister is great, but she can be angered very easily, especially if something is not going her way or the way she planned it. Multiply this by 10 when you factor in wedding planning and guest lists. The groom is a great dude (we aren’t best friends, but he is great for my sister and has been like family for years). So here is the situation in question…
 
Since my sister and I are close in age and went to the same college, we have a couple of friends that overlap. Naturally, some of these friends are invited to her wedding coming up. There is one couple who was not invited to the wedding, and that husband happens to be one of my best friends and the best man at my wedding last year. He and his wife (also great friends with my wife) went to this same college, ran with a similar group of friends, but are by no means friends with my sister and her (to be) husband, but I would call them acquaintances.
The tricky part here is that my best friend and his wife used the classic wedding invite loophole. My sister gave out plus one’s to two single people (these people aren’t in any relationship), who decided to use them on my best friend and his wife, rather than use them for their dates. Make fun of that if you want, but this couple is really fun and would make any night better. Fast forward to now, and my sister and her fiancee are pissed about this since they found out. They think this is shady and sneaky, and are very upset that this couple is coming to the wedding on a loophole.
 
Personally, I don’t this is a big deal at all. Why wouldn’t you want another fun couple at the wedding? The husband will most likely take advantage of the open bar, making for an unforgettable night. I obviously want one of my best friends there, especially since we don’t live in the same city anymore. My question to you is, do you think this is wrong? Is this whole situation being blown up when it isn’t a big deal?”
Man, this is a tough call.
I think the actual harm being done here is negligible or nonexistent which makes me think it’s fine to do on its face. But if your sister and her fiance are going to be mad over this is it worth pissing them off?
So that leads us to the central question you need to answer, if there were spots that were going to be taken up by two strangers — or people you don’t know well — why is this such a big deal to them?
I think you need to ask both your sister and your fiance what their opposition is to it and I think you need to ask them privately one person at a time. I’d be willing to bet that your future brother-in-law, if you actually ask him in private, will say, “I’m not really upset by it, but your sister is so I’m just backing her up.” So the real question here is why, with all of the things involved in a wedding, is your sister opposed to this?
My first thought is that she doesn’t actually like your friend and doesn’t want him at her wedding. This makes the most sense. So that’s why I think you should ask your sister one-on-one why she’s opposed to the idea. It’s possible she objects to him — or his wife — for a reason you don’t know and intentionally left them off her wedding list. I think this is probably the most likely reason, even if she won’t confess that to you.
So I think you need to have that conversation with your sister.
My best guess would be this isn’t about the use of the plus-ones, it’s about not liking your friend or his wife for some reason.
If that’s not the reason, I suspect your sister (and her fiance to a lesser extent) probably agonized over the invite list. A 250 person wedding sounds like a big wedding, but maybe the two of them had 500 people on their initial list and they’re concerned that when the photos inevitably go up online some people who didn’t get invited will see these two people and think they got invited when they didn’t, which makes the friends who didn’t get invited, but think someone less connected to the couple, did.
That’s a lesser issue, but it is your sister’s wedding. Why antagonize her. It’s like my same issue with people worried about what food dish you’re getting at a wedding. You went to a goddamn wedding, not a fancy restaurant. Eat your rubbery chicken and shut up. No one cares about your dietary restrictions. If you have to eat a carrot in the bathroom stall to avoid dying, that’s on you, not anyone else.
But the biggest thought I have in general is this, if you know the bride and groom don’t want you to attend their wedding, didn’t invite you, and have expressed their displeasure about you being there, why in the world would you choose to spend a day and night attending?
Who wants to go to a wedding they weren’t invited to attend? Especially as a guy? I don’t even want to go to most weddings I’m invited to. I’m not a big fan of weddings and I’m glad I’m pretty much finished with all of them. (Except for second weddings, which aren’t typically major events and the eventual weddings of my friend’s kids, which have to be hellish because then you’re the old man at the wedding who doesn’t know any of the music. Sideote, I just found out someone named Sia sang Chandelier this morning on the radio show. I totally thought it was Rihanna until a couple of hours ago).
Personally, I just don’t think it’s worth antagonizing your sister here.
“My wife and I were discussing how I see hot women everywhere I go and we agree that women have never been hotter.  But she says that she rarely sees good looking men.  Is it possible that male (physical) hotness is at an all time low?  She points to the soft dad bods, bird chested men, men with boobs and the general attack on masculinity to prove her point.  What do you think?”
There is zero doubt that women have never been hotter in the history of the world than they are right now.
And I think what’s primarily changed is women have extended the range of how long they can be smoking hot. It used to be good looking women were good looking from 18 to mid-30’s. But now women have extended their hotness range from 18 to 45+.
I think that’s because women have become more physically active and are working out more now than ever before. For instance, I’m in a crossfit class — I know, I know — and I go three to four times a week to workout near where I live. Do you know who is in the class? It’s me and all women. Now maybe this is the time I go — I typically go work out at 830 or so, after I finish doing the radio show so most men are at work then — but we’re talking about a pretty intense physical workout. Kettle bells, heavy weight movements with a bar, pull ups, push ups, it’s pretty intense.
And some of these moms just kick my ass on these things.
I swear to God I got passed a couple of months ago on one of these workouts by a mom pushing her daughter in her rolling stroller. You haven’t ever questioned whether your dick is still there more than when a mom with a rolling stroller goes sprinting by you during a crossfit workout. Trust me.
(It may also have been my imagination, but I felt like that baby was trash talking me as she whizzed by too.)
Now admittedly this might be a certain privileged subset of American life — women who don’t have full time jobs so they just throw themselves into the gym and they are in insane shape — but those women have always existed and were never this hot before.
I’ll use my wife as an example. We’ve been married 14 years and my wife is better looking now than she was when she was a Titans cheerleader before we married. This is after having three kids and aging from 25 to 40. My wife was hot at 25 — she was an NFL cheerleader — and now she’s hotter at forty than she was at 25. Iron may sharpen iron, but hot asses also sharpen even hotter asses.
So your wife is right about women.
But I think I’m probably not as good looking as I was when I was 25. I weighed around 175 when we got married and now I’m right at 182. (I know because I weighed myself this morning and have dropped back down from 195, the most I’ve ever weighed, back in February).
I have the quintessential dad bod. But I’m actually in pretty good shape for a add of three at 39 years old. (Unless I have to race that mom with a kid in a stroller at our workout). Remember, I posted the video of me cranking out reps on 225 recently. How many dads you think have their own website and national radio show and also can rep 225? You think Dan Patrick and Colin Cowherd are pulling that off? Please.
So I suspect it isn’t that men are dropping back, I think it’s that men just aren’t advancing like women are. In other words, men were more likely to be lifting weights and training in similar fashion to what’s popular now whereas there were no women on the squat rack or bench press when I was in high school.
Men are staying pretty much where we’ve always been, whereas women are surging.
I also think women are more likely to define themselves by physical appearance than men are. And most of this pressure is driven from other women. So I think getting in great shape has become contagious for high end women and it’s trickled down to all women whereas I don’t think men feel that same pressure.
I think men my age tend to be more focused on their careers — how many “retired” 38 year old men are there? — and I also think it’s a function of time.
I sometimes pick up my kids at school and the number of women in yoga pants is unbelievable. Every mom is in yoga pants. Once your kids get school age you have a ton of time to fill if you’re a woman without a full time job.
So to answer your question, I think time and competition are both conspiring to make women hotter than they’ve ever been and I don’t think men are keeping the same pace because they don’t have the same amount of time and they certainly don’t feel the same amount of competition in this arena. Plus, your average man was in better shape 25 years ago than your average woman.
It used to be many men didn’t look that much different from 25 to 45. Now women are starting to be able to say the same thing.

“I am a senior at an SEC school and karma has finally caught up to me. For years I have read your mailbag horror stories about things going bad in the bathroom and have laughed at others despair.

Little bit of a backstory first, I hate to poop in public bathrooms so through four years of excruciating trial and error, I have managed to find the best bathroom on campus. Qualifications for “best” include seclusion, updated, never out of TP, cleanliness, strength of the pipes, and close proximity to my classes. This has been my go to spot for around 2 months. Everything has been great until this past week.

I am sitting there doing my business when someone walks in. No big deal. Problem is, there is only one stale, so instead of seeing that it is already occupied and going to a different bathroom, (there are multiple bathrooms with the same layout in this building) said intruder decides he will wait on me. I do my business, open the stale and he is propped on the sink staring at me and proceeds to go in the stale after me.

Fast forward two days later and the same situation arises except this time I decide to sit in the stale and wait it out to see if whoever has come in will leave, in fear it is the same man. 15 minutes pass and I decide that I am alone only to open the stale and THE SAME GUY is again sitting on the sink waiting on me! My questions are, do I chance this encounter again, how long is too long to wait on someone to leave a stale when there is another bathroom 2 minutes away, and how do we trust a professor with this type of psycho mental state to teach future students?

P.S. Could this be some type of strange bathroom fetish? If so, I need your help asap.”

I am triggered as fuck by the fact that you are a senior in college and spell stall with an e.

Seriously, how can you be 22 fucking years old and not able to spell stall correctly?

I don’t think you can use this bathroom again and I certainly don’t think it’s normal to stand outside a stall and wait. That’s psycho behavior.

This dude is definitely jerking off to step-mom and step-sister videos all day long every day.

Send your anonymous mailbag questions to claytravis@gmail.com, anonymity guaranteed.

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