It’s Tuesday, time for the anonymous mailbag.
But before we get rolling here, I want to ask you a question: do you have way too much credit card debt? If you do, and you own your own home, you need to contact my guy Ryan Kelley at The Home Loan Expert and let him wipe out that credit card debt you’re carrying at high interest rates and replace it with a very low interest rate mortgage. Seriously, if you have credit card debt, own a home, and are carrying that credit card debt around month to month with insanely high interest rates, it’s time to get out of the debt crunch and make a smart financial decision. Go to The HomeLoanExpert.com today and get a new mortgage.
Okay, here we go with the mailbag.
As always, send your questions to email@example.com, anonymity guaranteed.
“I am 22 years old going into my last year of college, and one of my good friends has invited me to his bachelor party in Las Vegas. My girlfriend of 6 months is highly opposed to this idea, and has created the ultimatum of either her or the bachelor party. If I go, she breaks up with me. Do you think she is bluffing? Is there a solution I can propose that could possibly make her okay with me going? Or should I DBAP and go have one of the best weekends of my life in Sin City and enjoy my last year of college a free man? Any advice would be appreciated.”
Go to the bachelor party. But before you go to the bachelor party tell your girlfriend the ultimatum she put forward convinced you that you needed to break up with her before you left on the bachelor party because you believe she’s being unduly controlling and you don’t like the direction of the relationship.
This accomplishes two things: 1. you’ll be single in Las Vegas and can hook up with anyone who is willing to hook up with you on the bachelor party. 2 when you return your ex-girlfriend will do everything in her power to get you to date her again because she’ll be insanely attracted to how ballsy you were to not just call her bluff, but break up with her on the spot and go to Vegas directly in contradiction of her demands.
Then you’ll get wild make-up sex as she attempts to persuade you to return to the relationship.
Best of all: if you decide to reengage on the relationship then you’ll have established relationship dominance and will no longer have to listen to her demands. Furthermore, she will know that she can no longer make threats like this because you’ll flip the script and break up with her.
Seriously, follow every word of this advice and thank me later.
“I have a huge fear of flying, which is a huge problem since my job requires me to fly around the country. I have gone to great lengths to help the fear- pounding beers in airport, popping pills, but nothing seems to help. I’m now at the point where I will drive 14 hours to different cities for work, instead of getting on a fucking plane. Do you have any advice for overcoming this irrational fear oh wise one?”
The way I deal with my fears is by studying a subject until I have completely mastered all the facts and figures and I can intellectualize the decision I’m making.
In other words, if you’re afraid of flying what you should do is find books on the subject and read everything you can about how safe commercial aviation is.
Fear is often a function of failing to comprehend the probability of a danger actually occurring. Your odds of dying in a plane crash are 1 in 11 million. Your odds of dying in a car crash are 1 in 5,000. So by choosing to drive to places you are increasing the odds of your death by a massive amount.
In the event these data points don’t change your mind when it comes to danger, I’ve never done it, but I would look into therapy or hypnosis if I were you.
It’s evidently possible for a hypnotist to fool your mind into not being afraid — again I can’t speak to it, but some say it works — and many find that talking to a therapist about their fears can help to alleviate those fears as well.
But both of those decisions cost you money, I’d just pour your energy into researching commercial aviation until you understand that your fear is not rooted in objective reality. That is, there are not facts to back up your opinions.
“I sit in a pod with two other dudes, all of us are basically 30. One of them is a quiet, timid, boring version of Jason Martin circa 2016 (6’3” 300+ lbs). He has been coughing about every 45 seconds for the past 2 months. Do I bring it up to him and say “Hey dude, you’ve been coughing a lot, you should go to a doctor.” Or, do I say nothing? I mean surely to God his wife hears the same thing and she has two children with him. I feel most men in general wouldn’t say anything since we avoid doctors at all cost and to say that to another man would be a bitch-move. Also, should me not liking him very much play into my decision say something or not?”
I think you say something.
First, because it’s annoying. If you sit in a cubicle with someone all day and they can’t stop coughing that becomes incredibly grating no matter who you are.
Second, because he might actually have an infectious disease and what if he gets other people sick at work?
Third, because, in general, even if you don’t like the guy, you should be opposed to his death. Now, remember, you’re never going to be able to hate death more than me, but you should be opposed to it as much as possible. Plus, what if his wife has left him and she has no idea he’s slowly coughing himself to death.
You could save his life and become a hero. Which would then allow you to brag to girls at the bar about how you saved the fat guy at the office’s life and then maybe they’d hook up with you over how much of a hero you were.
“I have a huge dilemma. A few of my close friends all turn 30 this year and have been planning a trip to Mexico for a while now. There are about 10 people in to rent a nice house on the beach for a week. Both boys and girls. Sounds like a blast.
However, one of my high school friends recently asked me to be a groomsman in his wedding. We were pretty good friends but haven’t really kept in contact. His bachelor party is going to be the same weekend as our Mexico trip. The bachelor party is at a lake house in Montana that belongs to one of the other groomsman’s parents. I have never met any of the other groomsman, and it seems like it’s just going to be 7 dudes locked up in a cabin for a weekend. Money isn’t really a factor. HELP! What do I do?”
You say you’d love to be a groomsman, but you have already put down a nonrefundable deposit for the weekend in Mexico and just realized they are the same weekend.
Tell him you’d be happy to be a groomsman at his wedding even without attending the bachelor party, but you totally understand if he doesn’t want you to be a groomsman given the fact that you’ll miss the bachelor party weekend.
“I was at the strip club recently and we had a VIP area near the stage by the big screen. We eventually separated into married and singled sections, the single guys had some girls in the VIP while the married guys were towards the corner by the TV. Every time a new girl came to the VIP she’d see no girl in the married guy section and stop by to talk with us first. Eventually the girls would realize we weren’t going to be spending a lot of cash and made their way to the other side of the VIP.
I don’t blame the dancers, they need to be personable to make a living and would rather go where its less crowded, but this was a time waster for both of us. This is where I thought, why don’t strip clubs give you a green/red cards like they do at a Brazilian steakhouses? If you were interested in getting a dance you could flip your card to green, if you were just enjoying a drink or the main stage then flip to red. This way the girls know who to approach/don’t waste their time and I’m not stuck making small talk with strippers.
We are doomed, but I plan on staying the #DBAP course till the bitter end.”