Anonymous Mailbag

But before we get started, I want to ask you a question: do you have way too much credit card debt? If you do, and you own your own home, you need to contact my guy Ryan Kelley at The Home Loan Expert and let him wipe out that credit card debt you’re carrying at high interest rates and replace it with a very low interest rate mortgage. Seriously, if you have credit card debt, own a home, and are carrying that credit card debt around month to month with insanely high interest rates, it’s time to get out of the debt crunch and make a smart financial decision. Go to The HomeLoanExpert.com today and get a new mortgage.

Okay, let’s get rolling with the anonymous mailbag.

As always, send your questions to claytravis@gmail.com, anonymity guaranteed.

“So the whole epidemic of step sibling porn was touched on a few weeks ago, but can we really discuss the epidemic of actual family member porn? I never had a step family so as far as I’m concerned, “step porn” is just porn to me, doesn’t fulfill any weird fetish. But what about the whole “mother teaches son” or “brother caught watching sister” stuff? I have a mother and sisters, and that “fantasy” makes me want to vomit and shit simultaneously. That’s the real epidemic IMO. Is it not terrifying that those videos are seemingly mainstream on a porn main page these days?”

One of the things that’s most fascinating to me is how fake social media outrage is compared to how extremely graphic and detailed and outside the “mainstream” popular porn is. The dichotomy here is staggering.

Right now here are the six hottest videos at the top of PornHub:

Step mommy seduces daughter and her girlfriend

Teen step sister begs brother…

Flustered teen rides step brothers cock

Step mommy seduces daughter and her girlfriend

Big boobs are better in bed

Pregnant MILF gently fucked”

Only one of these is what I’d call “standard” porn interest. (Boobs are, very nearly, undefeated in life.) Now this is just a random search for the hot videos at the top of PornHub and, full disclosure, I have never watched one of these step-sibling porns so this isn’t an algorithm directed for me, this is something that is always at the top of the page when I visit PornHub — the hottest current videos on the site.

I’d assume PornHub populates these hot videos at the top of the site to drive traffic higher.

So what’s actually at play here? I think people — mostly men — are completely honest about what interests them when they go to look at porn online and I think they are full of crap when they get outraged on social media. In other words, the same guy who is constantly Tweeting about rampant misogyny is the same guy, I think, who is actually watching step-sister porn and tearfully masturbating in his private life.

The social media outrage, therefore, is an excessive projection of moral rectitude designed to combat the private internal desires which the person finds objectionable.

This happens time after time after time, the people who pretend to be the most outraged by other people’s behaviors are overwhelmingly more likely to end up having the wackiest fetishes and behavior in their own personal lives. The people who are laid back and don’t really care what other people are into are always the people, in my experience, who have the most “normal” sexual interests or are so comfortable with their own fetishes that they don’t care about other people’s interests or desires.

This used to manifest itself in rampant obsession with homosexuality when I was a kid. I never understood why people at my church cared so much if two men or two women wanted to sleep together. (Sadly, the married youth minister at my Southern Baptist church would end up dying of aids because he was gay and attempting to fight his homosexuality through religion.) The politicians and activists who fought the “homosexual agenda” so aggressively were frequently, I think, gay. (Or at least bisexual). What they were fighting was their own sexual desires, which were always at the top of their mind. Do you know how many times I’ve found myself daydreaming about banging another dude? Never. Not in my entire life. So if that’s what you want to do, do it. I’m too busy still ranking the girls in my sophomore English class by the order in which I’d have sex with them if we had a sex draft. (I would have, by the way, ranked last on the girl’s lists).

But why is this, why is there such a huge difference between what interests are expressed in porn searches and what interests are expressed on social media? Part of it is that social media outrage provides moral cover, but I think people are also afraid to admit what they actually search for when it comes to porn. So, in the interests of full disclosure and since we’re in the trust tree, my name is Clay Travis and I like to watch good looking women primarily between the ages of 18 and 27 have sex with other men or each other.

The better looking the girl, the more I like the video.

Also, I like group sex videos featuring many good looking women having orgy style sex.

As for the popularity of the incest fantasy videos, I think that’s wacky as hell, but thankfully I don’t think it’s too common.

And as long as what you’re involved in features consenting adults, I say go for it.

“I’m early 30s, married with one kid. I’ve been in my job now for just over a year. I work in a large place but our department is only about 20 people- 6 guys and the rest women. The women, both attractive and unattractive, all seem to wear shirts that show at least a little cleavage (some more than others… a lot more).

Whenever they come into my office or I see them in the hallway, I do my best to make eye contact, but I can’t help sometimes to look down. I think that’s purely right in with being a straight dude.

My question to you, as a fellow boobs aficionado, is am I in danger of getting in any kind of trouble with this, especially in this MeToo age we live in? And is there a way to not look below the chin when having a 5 minute conversation with a girl with nice cans? Any advice is appreciated here.”

This is one of my favorite Seinfeld scenes ever, when George is caught looking at the NBC executive’s teenage daughter’s cleavage. (The girl here, by the way, is Denise Richards, god bless her.)

The rule is straightforward, as Seinfeld himself said: ‘Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.’

Even in a #metoo era, I think that’s a standard that still applies.

If you notice a woman lifting her shirt in your presence, you probably looked too long. And if you notice women always lifting their shirts in your presence then you’ve reached creep in the office status and need to reconsider all of your decision making when it comes to boobs.

“I’m a 37 year old female, SEC university grad, teacher, master’s degree.  Living in suburban ATL.  I am a widow.  My late husband passed away from cancer a little over a year and a half ago.  (no kids).  My question is really for your readership as well as you- I am ready to re-enter the dating scene.  How? 

The last time I dated smart phones weren’t even a thing yet!  Social media?  Apps?  I have no idea. Your readers are pretty much my dating pool- educated professionals, 30-40-ish years old, like sports, particularly SEC.  Other than online dating, how do I meet you people!? I miss my late husband dearly but I am pretty tired of being alone.  This isn’t your normal question, but just thought I’d try it out.”

First, best wishes recovering from this loss. I can only imagine the emotional toll involved in losing a spouse at a relatively young age. So I hope you can find someone else and be happy.

I’m not an expert on the dating scene and these apps all predated me too, but I’d guess you want to look for new relationships, not random hook ups. Tinder would be the hook up app and my understanding is Match.com or EHarmony would be more designed to create relationships.

I’m also told that different cities can have different popular apps so Atlanta may have a particular app that’s particularly popular. I certainly can’t speak for what the dating experience is like for women in their thirties who are widows, but ridiculously enough, I’m actually an investor in a brand new dating app that just launched called Cove. You can read about that and sign up here. It’s a private, member’s only dating app designed to make the online datinge experience better for women. Our app is designed to give women more control over the dating experience and charge men for interaction, while women are free, to try and limit the extensive message fishing that many men toss out to try and find someone to take the bait.

I hope this helps some and good luck with your search.

“I’m an insurance office worker. The company I work for is made up of over 400 people, and out of those 400 people about 75% of us share the same building. That includes sharing the same bathroom. Which leads to my question. There’s a guy I work with who is, shall we say, ‘off.’ I understand we all are weird in our own way, but this goes beyond that. This guy is one of those you have to watch for when something goes wrong, afraid he may snap and kill everyone.

Well, for the past two months, he’s been acting strange..IN THE BATHROOM. Numerous coworkers have experienced this, including myself. He comes in the bathroom, and talks to himself, makes weird noises, and watches porn. Don’t get me wrong, I watch it also, just in the privacy of my own home. This guy is beyond creepy. The sad part is we’ve gone to management who confirmed he is in fact watching porn and doing God knows what in the stall. They’ve met with him face to face regarding this. They’ve done nothing and don’t plan on doing anything. My question is, what should happen? Let the guy do what he wants? Or confront him about it next time?”

If you think he’s psychologically unstable then I wouldn’t confront him directly. Given how many crazy mass shooters there are in this country, I think you want the company to be the antagonist here in the event they fire him, not an individual or individual(s) at the company.

I think what you have to do to get him fired is get a woman involved and have her say she no longer feels comfortable working at the same place as this person. If he’s watching porn in the bathroom at work and behaving strangely, it seems abundantly clear he would be able to be fired for cause.

And if not, what kind of crazy ass place do you work that this doesn’t constitute cause for firing?

If a woman, or multiple women, make direct, anonymous complaints to your HR department, I’d think they’d have no other choice but to fire him.

“Got a situation here–my fiancee’s co-worker, with whom she hooked up years before me–shamelessly hits on her/propositions her on her personal phone. I’ve seen some of the interactions, and she shuts him down every time, which is great. However, herein lies my issue: what makes him continue to shoot his shot? Obviously his respect/fear of me is not high enough to stop the aggressiveness at this point, but I certainly cannot step out of bounds to confront him about it because I am not supposed to know. But with that said, I want the dick not only to stop, but to know that I know. Now, if he just continues and disrespects me knowing that I know, that’s another level of bold.
Your thoughts on how to stop everything? How to discourage it? How to confront anyone in the situation? Not particularly worried about my fiance stepping out at all at this point, but why play around? Can’t let someone just give you the middle finger behind your back….”
The most alarming thing to me here is that you are secretly reading your fiancee’s text messages. That’s not a good sign for your future relationship.
Having said that, this doesn’t seem like a situation for you to be involved in, honestly, your fiancee needs to tell her co-worker that she’s engaged, getting married, and isn’t interested in being propositioned on her cell phone. She needs to tell this guy that in no uncertain terms and then tell him she will block his phone number if his behavior doesn’t change immediately.
So how do you get your fiancee to take this step without her knowing that you’ve seen the texts the co-worker is sending? You can try to steer it to a conversation and get her to complain, but, honestly, it doesn’t seem like she’s that upset by it. In fact, maybe she likes knowing he’s an option for her.
That’s why I think the better option here is for you to see her phone one day when he texts her and ask why he’s texting her. (You can also claim to accidentally see these texts and I think that’s probably your best move.)
Keep in mind, however, that if she were really uncomfortable it would be really easy to shut down given the fact that they’re co-workers. If he’s continuing to pursue your fiancee and she were ever to tell him to stop doing so, the fact that they have hooked up before doesn’t give him license to continue to flout her wishes. He could even get fired if he did.
That’s why his insistence in sending these texts also makes me wonder whether your fiancee is giving him conflicting signals in face-to-face interactions.
If you do feel the need to get involved, then I think you can tell him face-to-face — after “accidentally” witnessing one of these texts — that your fiancee is, you know, your fiancee and that you’ve seen the texts he’s sending her and you think they’re inappropriate and she doesn’t want to be receiving them. At that point one of three things happens: 1. he ignores you, upon which time you can pester your fiancee to block him 2. he listens and the situation resolves itself 3. he tells you they’ve been engaging in a torrid sexual relationship and you don’t get married.
Good luck.

“So your recent coverage of Jimmy G and this MILF of a pornstar brought back questions I’ve had about my own personal experiences with cougars.

I’m a 30 year old dude who has had a few experiences with the mature crowd.  Something about an older woman who has the sex drive of a 20 year old.
Recently, I had a weekend lunch first date with a hot mid 40’s cougar. And while I obviously am into the situation, I’m not into broadcasting it to everyone around me.  This chick made sure to tell the waiter we were on a date and then had zero qualms about putting on a show in the middle of the parking lot before we went back to her place. Am I a pussy for not owning it more in public?  And what percentage of people in public are noticing what’s going on and throwing up in their mouth?”
I don’t think most people care about the dating lives of other people in restaurants.
Most guys, I believe, think in a binary fashion when they see women they don’t know out on dates. They pretty much ignore the guy and think, “yes, I’d like to sleep with her,” or “no, I have no interest in sleeping with her.” So if they’re looking at your date at all, most guys are just making that decision in their head.
I have no idea what women think when they see a younger man with an older woman out on a date. That is, I don’t know if your average woman thinks about this dinner from the perspective of the older woman or the younger man.
I do know this, most people are so self-obsessed they only pay attention to their own worries and aren’t that aware of anyone else’s decisions or lives.
That’s why my general rule in life is this: if it makes you happy — and doesn’t threaten to get you arrested or put you in jail — then do it.
So have fun.
“Clay,
I’ve got an 11 hour drive to Gulf Shores coming up Saturday with the wife, three boys aged 10, 9, and 7, and our two small dogs.  What chance do I have of not going completely insane?”
Zero.
Godspeed.
Send your anonymous mailbag questions to claytravis@gmail.com, anonymity guaranteed.
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