So far Arkansas fans have escaped OKTC’s collection of awkward fan photos.
Really, that’s pretty amazing.
Because Arkansas is a bit like Alabama and Kentucky, a provincial state with low numbers of new residents moving in to balance out rooting interests, lots of really dumb people, and no other team to follow in the state. In fact, you can make an argument that Arkansas fans should be dumber and crazier than Alabama or Kentucky fans since there isn’t even an Auburn or Louisville to dilute the dumb and crazy in their state. But that isn’t the case. Arkansas fans are clearly not as dumb as Kentucky and Alabama fans.
It’s worthy of an Alabama or Kentucky fan.
Just gaze upon it with wonder and glee, it’s the Sistine Chapel of SEC tattoos.
How do I love this tattoo photo? Let me count the 11 ways:
1. The Arkansas Razorback is made to look like the devil.
This is important because if you just put an ordinary, feisty but not angry, Arkansas Razorback on your back, that wouldn’t be intimidating at all.
No, it has to be a stark raving rabid devil Razorback.
2. The state of Arkansas outline behind the Razorback.
Did the tattoo artist just give up or just figure no one actually knew what the state’s border looked like?
This is the state of Arkansas.
That tattoo background is not the state of Arkansas. It looks more like West Virginia.
I do, however, appreciate the random squiggly lines on the tattoo designed to accurately render the natural ebb and flow of the Mississippi River.
Edit: Like all great works of art, this tattoo is open to interpretation. Many of you, including my lovely wife, are arguing this is steam coming out of the rabid hog’s mouth. But couldn’t the steam be coming out of the hog’s mouth in the shape of Arkansas too? This is great art. Don’t presume intent. After all so much depends upon the red wheelbarrow.
3. The ARKANSAS block letters at the top.
This is done in a peculiar old English style script.
To keep it classy.
4. Some people see this tattoo and think it’s awesome.
There are all sorts of stupid people in the world. At some point, most of these stupid people will get tattoos. That’s not particularly surprising. What’s surprising?
Other people will see this Arkansas tattoo and envy the person with the tattoo.
What’s even worse than that?
Some people will COPY it.
5. The camo cargo shorts at the pool look.
If I just showed you this tattoo and said, quick, tell me what kind of shorts this guy is wearing: Wouldn’t camo cargo shorts be the best possible guess?
In fact, as soon as you heard that suggestion, you’d be like, “Yeah, he’s definitely wearing camo cargo shorts.”
This Arkansas fan doesn’t just have a badass tattoo, he’s ready to go hunt wild boar in the wilderness too.
And thanks to the camo the wild boar wouldn’t even see him!
6. The pro wrestler tryout hairstyle.
I picture this guy sauntering into a low budget southern Missouri community center hosting a wrestling night. When his music comes on — 99% chance it’s “Welcome to the Jungle” — he enters to boos, turns to face the crowd, pulls off his t-shirt and double thumb points to the Razorback tattoo.
He never actually speaks, pushes his dirty blond hair out of his face and gives double birds to the crowd.
Then he collects his $38 for getting pinned by the guy with the American flag back tattoo.
7. The awkward skinny kid hunched over and scrunching up his face in the background.
You can almost see him thinking, “When I grow up they’re going to take pictures of my entire back tattoo of Arkansas too!”
8. There’s another tattoo on the left bicep.
Odds it incorporates a Chinese symbol, a Bible verse, or a barbwire?
You guys can come up with your best guesses in the comments.
9. The tattoo appears to be fading.
Of course it is.
But you know what never runs? This guys Razorback fandom.
He definitely marched at the “Keep Bobby Petrino” rally.
10. Does this guy take his shirt off when Razorback fans call the Hogs?
You know he does, right?
Probably while screaming, “The hog is here, bitch, the hog is here!” and pointing at his back.
We need video of this.
11. Just consider for a moment how long this guy had to believe this tattoo was a good idea.
This would have taken hours laying on your stomach while someone put a needle into your back.
Even if you were drunk — likely — high on meth — equally likely — recently divorced for the seventh time and fulfilling a desperate wish made in prison — doublly likely — wouldn’t you start to question this decision about halfway through? You know, maybe just think to yourself, “I’m not sure I want to be sixty with a Razorback on my back.”
This guy never thought any of this.
Which is why we love him.
Woo pig sooooie Arkansas is finally on the awkward fan photo scoreboard.
At OKTC we ridicule all awkward fan photos equally.
Humor doesn’t discriminate — although it does feature Kentucky and Alabama fans with alarming frequency.
As always, feel free to share your awkward fan photos by emailing or tweeting them to me. firstname.lastname@example.org or the Twitter feed on the right side of the page, @claytravisbgid.