LeBron James Destroys His Haters

Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James, center, celebrates with teammates after Game 7 of basketball’s NBA Finals against the Golden State Warriors in Oakland, Calif., Sunday, June 19, 2016. The Cavaliers won 93-89. (AP Photo/Marcio Jose Sanchez) Marcio Jose Sanchez

Tonight LeBron James officially murdered all of his haters. Even the most desperate LeBron James haters out there — the Michael Jordan fanboys who refuse to believe that anything or anyone can ever compete with the hero of their childhood — went to bed clutching their 1992 Air Jordan tennis shoes while quietly whimpering. This morning they’ll walk past their unopened Jordan Wheaties boxes from 1994 and their Starting Lineup figurines from 1991 — never opened either! — and stare at themselves in the bathroom mirror. 

Here’s what they’ll see looking back at them — a grown ass man who refuses to acknowledge the truth that anyone with a functional brain can see — the two greatest basketball players of all time are Michael Jordan and LeBron James. And LeBron just might be better.

Except the anti-LeBron losers are so eaten up with hate that they can’t even see the truth staring right back at them — they’ve missed enjoying the career of one of the greatest athletes of our lives because they’re worried that if they like LeBron it might upset their memories of how good Michael Jordan was.

LeBron is so good that he could play four positions if we put together the greatest starting squad in NBA history. Think about how crazy this is, LeBron could start at the 1 the 3, the 4 and the 5 on any collection of the best five players in NBA history. He’s the most versatile and talented player in the history of the game. Jordan may have more accomplishments, but LeBron can do more things on the basketball court. Shouldn’t that actually be the standard for the greatest of all time? Can you do more at your chosen craft than anyone else has ever been able to do?

Hell, did you see his block on Andre Iguodala that may have won the Cavs the title? That was downright superhuman. Given the stakes and the impact — game 7 on the road in the NBA Finals in a tie game — it may be the greatest defensive play in the history of basketball.  

Yet LeBron is so hated that Draymond Green could call him a bitch and tons of you agreed with Draymond. (By the way, is the worst response to an insult since the Burr-Hamilton duel? Draymond Green got totally bitched here. If he just keeps his mouth closed do the Warriors win in five games? I really think they would have.)

If Draymond Green had called Michael Jordan a bitch these same anti-LeBron dudes would demand a public apology and protest outside his house. They’d throw their bodies on the ground — all wearing vintage 23 MJ jerseys — and not let Draymond leave until he admitted Space Jam was the greatest movie ever made.

But they’re out here rooting for Draymond to insult LeBron.

You know who these dudes are — they blew up your phones or your Facebook or your Twitter or your text messages making fun of LeBron for the last decade. LeChoke, they said. He isn’t clutch, they said.

Welp, joke’s on them today. 

LeBron James is unquestionably the most criticized athlete in American history, and, potentially, world history.

And the hate was all so stupid when you unpacked it.   

The only criticism that’s left for LeBron James today is that he isn’t Michael Jordan. 

That’s it. So maybe he’s not the greatest in the history of the world, he’s only the second greatest. 

LeBron has been held to an entirely different standard than any athlete in the history of our country. When else has a guy who is the second best at something in the history of the world ever been criticized this harshly? It’s never happened before. And it’s not just that LeBron’s been criticized, it’s that he’s been criticized while other players have slid by for worst offenses. 

Imagine if LeBron pulled a Steph Curry and had gotten tossed from game six in the finals after throwing his mouthpiece into the crowd. Then his wife went on Twitter and said the NBA was rigged.

It would have been pure bedlam in these Internet streets.

LeBron would have been the most hated man in this country since Lee Harvey Oswald.  

But Steph, the two time MVP, does it and no one really cares. Hardly anyone is hating on him. 

What if LeBron had lost as frequently as Kevin Durant? Durant’s been in the league for nine years and has one trip to the NBA Finals. I like Durant, but he plays with a top five player in Russell Westbrook and he still can’t win.

LeBron has been to the finals six straight years, winning three of them. Why does Durant get such a pass?

Yes, LeBron’s 3-4 overall in the finals now. That means that four times his team hasn’t been the best in the world and has lost in the finals. But he just led his team back from a 3-1 series deficit against the greatest team in the history of the NBA — winning twice on the road — and almost singlehandedly ended the title drought in Cleveland.

Stop your bitching. This is incredible to see. 

But of course the haters won’t admit they were wrong.

Because the hate for LeBron is what sustains these losers.   

“All I care about is 6-0 in the finals,” the anti-LeBron crew will social media you to death with.

So you’re just going to forget about Jordan’s 1-2 against the Pistons in the eastern conference finals? Or that Orlando Magic second round elimination in 1995? How about the fact that when he left the Bulls to go play baseball in 1994 they were still good enough to finish third overall in the eastern conference and take the New York Knicks, the team that would lose the title in seven games to the Houston Rockets, to seven games? LeBron could take any team in the eastern conference to the finals. Yes, even the Sixers. Was Jordan ever that dominant?

By the way, you’re just going to pretend those Wizards years didn’t ever happen too, aren’t you?

I don’t blame you for that.

But that’s not the end of the LeBron haters you’ll see on social media.

“He complains too much about calls,” they’ll say.

You don’t remember Jordan getting every call on earth? If you breathed on him too hard, Jordan got a trip to the line. Some games it seems like LeBron could get murdered on the court and the NBA officials, who double as WWE officials in the off season, would miss it.

LeBron: “He just stabbed me with a bowie knife on that lay up attempt!”

NBA ref: “All ball.”

LeBron is such a physical freak that he gets fouled on virtually every play. Watch him go to the basket, the guy gets more contact than Lil’ Kim backstage at the Grammys.

“I don’t like his “Chosen One,” tattoo,” some will say.

Oh, so now we critique players based on their tattoos? Really, this is what you’re going with? This is the reason you can’t enjoy his game.

“I don’t like his body language on the court.”

His body language? I’d be laughing harder if people weren’t actually saying this all over Twitter and Facebook. Your body language would be bad too if you had to play with Kevin Love. 

“The decision…”

Stop, just stop. Yes, that was hamhanded and dumb, but it should have been over after a year. Everyone forgets that decision special raised millions of dollars for charity. And four years later LeBron totally rewrote the script with his brilliant essay about returning to Cleveland, proving that he’d grown and learned a great deal in the intervening years. In the process, LeBron became the first person in the history of the universe to voluntarily leave Miami for Cleveland. That makes him a saint in my book.

And now he’s won a title for Cleveland.

Nope, all of these hater rationales are dead.

You have to work so hard to dislike LeBron that these are the hater insults that are left to the legion of LeBron despisers. I mean, the dude has never been in trouble off the court. He appears to be a pretty decent dad, his teammates, by and large, seem to enjoy playing with him. So far as we know, unlike Jordan, he’s never punched any of his teammates in practice. (Hello, Steve Kerr, opposing coach on the finals sideline). Hating LeBron is the very definition of trying too hard, the perfect representation for why our hater generation is so played out.

Name me one other person who is unquestionably the best in the world at his chosen profession and gets this much hate?

It’s impossible. 

Which is disappointing because some of y’all hate LeBron so much that you’re unwilling to enjoy one of the greatest individual finals performances in the history of the game. LeBron willed his team to a title this year and ended a multi-generation title drought in the process. How can you give up the enjoyment of this ride because you don’t like a dude’s body language on the court?

You know who you sound like with all these complaints? A psychotic ex-girlfriend. Y’all need to be committed to the basketball insane asylum. Where you can sit in a strait jacket with your tongue hanging out and look at your poster of Jordan dunking from the free throw line — newsflash, he stepped inside the line before he took off — while you roll around on the floor replaying the final shot Jordan made to beat the Utah Jazz in 1998. (Newsflash, before he made that basket Jordan missed 20 shots; he finished 15-35 with one assist and one rebound in that game). Time has a way of making us forget any flaws.

And here’s my ultimate point that the haters don’t seem to comprehend: LeBron being good doesn’t make Jordan bad. You can enjoy both. Why you gotta hate LeBron to feel better about Jordan? Because let’s be honest, despite your best memories, Jordan wasn’t perfect.

My point’s simple, you’re not in love with Jordan so much as you’re in love with your memories of Jordan from your childhood. That’s all well and good, but it’s time to stop acting like children, you’re grown ass men now.

LeBron James is the best basketball player in the world and he has been for a decade. The fact that Steph Curry can be a unanimous MVP in this league proves how flawed our measurement metric for LeBron is. He’s been good for so long we’ve come to expect perfection. 

And, guess what, these last three games he has been perfect.

So perfect that LeBron has officially murdered his haters.

If you don’t like LeBron James at this point, it’s for a pretty simple reason — you’re a bitch.  

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