Outkick the Coverage Contest Debuts: 10 Most Amazing Outkicks of All-Time

Outkicking your coverage… It’s kind of a big deal around this website if you hadn’t noticed.  When Clay asked the old Deadly Hippos to help him come up with a name for this website, we all kept coming back to this one. 

“It’s a triple entendre,” we exclaimed… a true rarity. 

“The website name will be too long,” said medical malpractic attorney Chris Tardio, the Debbie Downer of the group.

“I love punters!” DJ typed with glee. 

But deep down we all knew what it was really about.  All men know what it’s really about.  It’s about chicks.  It’s about landing a girl who is so much hotter than you, you begin to question if she’s legally blind, not right in the head, or just a habitual drunk. 

Look at Clay as an example.  Who would have ever imagined that such an awkward looking bearded man, whose greatest skill is figuring out how to get under other people’s skin, could land a Tennessee Titans cheerleader?

I myself have been a habitual “outkicker.” When co-workers see pictures of my girlfriend, the most common feedback is along the lines of “She’s your girlfriend?  Wow.  How’d did you pull that one off?”  Once after I left college, I introduced an ex-girlfriend to my old college coach after a Colorado basketball game.  His response… “THIS is your girl Josh?  Well… you always were an over-achiever.”

Nothing boosts your self-image quite like people being shocked that the woman in your life would actually date you.  It’s kind of like they’re saying “…. but you’re ugly.  Why would she go out with you?”
 
The way I figure it, there are three possible answers to this question:
 
1. You are rich.  Stupid money. 

It’s the easiest way to outkick your coverage fellas.  Women may think this makes me shallow, but look at Hugh Hefner. 
 
2. You have a talent that isn’t physical or noticeable in your appearance. 

Some chicks are really turned on by smart guys, or funny dudes, or powerful guys, or guys who are in a band.  Axl Rose got tons of hot ass back in his day and he’s ugly as Nancy Grace.  Ironically, this phenomenon doesn’t hold water when you switch genders.  Guys don’t care how powerful you are, ladies. 
 
3. I don’t know how to put this one delicately… let’s just say that you rock the Magnum’s when you need them. 

I’m pretty sure you know what I’m getting at.
 
That said, I couldn’t be more excited for this competition.  I love seeing guys who have outkicked their coverage.  I feel like it gives the world hope.  Like President Obama did for those brief few months before he was elected… Like anything is possible.
 
In honor of OKTC’s outkick competition I thought I’d look back at some of the most famous examples people outkicking their coverage.  Enjoy and feel free to add any I may have left out.

 
Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez – 
 
Marc Anthony is not an attractive man.  Whenever I see pictures of him I feel like he has lyme disease.  I’m not even 100% sure what that disease is, I just feel like he probably has it.  Not only did this guy land Jennifer Lopez., but he landed her when she was J-Lo, when she was at her absolute apex.  Back when she had an ass that could launch a thousand rap videos. 

Strong work for a skinny, pale, latino dude with lyme disease.

Especially when you consider that J. Lo. is taller than him too.

Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts – 
 
I’m not a big fan of Julia Roberts myself, but Lyle Lovett looks like he was puked out of a Tim Burton movie.  Plus he landed Julia Roberts in the early 90’s, back when she was at her prime.  To put that into football perspective, it’s like Tim Tebow signing with New Mexico St. out of high school.

Seal and Heidi Klumm- 

Okay, Seal is one ugly dude, right? He’s married to Heidi Klum now and they have three kids. Hopefully they look like her.
 
 

But, get this, Heidi Klum’s first baby daddy? This guy Flavio Briatore.

This is Briatore with his new wife, Elisabetta Gregoraci.

But here he is back when he and Klum were a couple.

He might be the all-time outkick winner. Somebody beat him.

Ronny Seikaly and Elsa Benitez-
 
Ronny’s not exactly an ugly dude.  He’s not a good looking guy, but he isn’t ugly.  Have you seen his former wife Elsa Benitez though?  Sweet baby Christmas! I think every man who she’s ever talked to outkicked their coverage just by managing to get into the same room as her. Here she is on the cover of the 2001 SI swimsuit issue.
 
 
 
Here she is with a 7 foot tall Lebanese guy who liked to rock ponytails and get dunked on by better players.  Well done, Seikaly.
 
 
 
Jay and Gloria from Modern Family –
 
Honestly, Hollywood we’re supposed to believe that Al Bundy married this chick?
 
  
 
I know it’s not a real couple, but man that dude couldn’t have outkicked his coverage any further.  It’s like Britton Colquitt punting in a pee wee football game.
 
Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom
 
I’m not saying that Lamar is handsome… I’m just saying that Khloe REALLY outkicked her coverage with him.  Maybe he was really drunk the first time they hooked up and thought he was with Kim? 
 
 
Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie
 
For the life of me I can’t figure out how this guy got Angelina Jolie to marry him. 
 
 
 
Amazing.  Billy Bob Thornton is my hero.   
 
Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones-
 
 
 
It makes some sense why younger, poorer, non-famous women would end up with older, richer, famous men. But why do younger, hotter, equally rich women end up with dudes like this? 
 
Jeff Garcia and that Playmate of the Year that he married –
 
Remember when Terrell Owens was pissed off at Jeff Garcia and hinted that the QB might be gay?  Remember how Garcia never even bothered to respond to the accusation?  Yeah, he married a Playmate of the year….
 
This is Jeff Garcia.
 
 
This is his wife Carmella Decesare
 
 
(I mean, even her name is smoking hot).
 
Here they are together:
 
 
Garcia to TO: “Scoreboard, bitch.”

Macaulay Culkin and Mila Kunis – 
 
This is one of those weird Hollywood relationships that you forgot even happened.  But they dated for almost nine years! Culkin looks like he’s constantly prepared to do a scene for the Nickelodeon remake of Interview WIth a Vampire and Mila Kunis is that rare kind of “punch your own sister in the face for a chance at a date” kind of hot.  Macaulay Culkin may go down as the most underrated outkicker of all time.
 
How did this happen?
 

 

Mila gives us the only possible explanation for how this happened.

 
….
 
 
There are hundreds of other famous examples of dudes outkicking their coverage, so feel free to post any that I’ve left out in the comments.  Hell, you might even be as lucky as one of these guys!  
 
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