Back in November we debuted the OKTC drinking game for the first Alabama-LSU game.
At the suggestion of a reader we took the game to Twitter and kept a real-time tally of the drinking game under the hashtab #cbsdrink. The first game was popular as thousands of you played along. The second game, created for Arkansas at LSU on the day after Thanksgiving, increased that popularity with tens of thousands playing and drinking. By the SEC Championship Game, the third OKTC drinking game, we’d turned #cbsdrink in to a bona fide movement. Tweets were arriving so fast and furious I couldn’t even watch the game. Lots of y’all, erstwhile solitary drinkers, suddenly had a digital family you never knew existed.
If there was a drinking tipping point we reached it at the SEC title game when dozens of media members came up to talk with me at halftime about how funny y’all’s Tweets, pictures, and stories were.
I don’t want to exaggerate the game’s impact, but it’s likely we saved several marriages and helped to foster the continuing wellspring of mid-east democracy.
Now, do you have what it takes to finish off the college football season in style?
Uncle Verne Lundquist, who I’m told is a fan of the game, and Gary Danielson aren’t here this time to make us intentionally drink.
But now we have new shepherds — ABC/ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit and Brent Musberger.
Will your liver survive?
I hope so.
I’m getting the BCS title drinking game, hashtag #bcsdrink, out early because y’all have ownership of this event too. So consider these to be proposed rules that are subject to later revision, the OKTC version of posting a new regulation and allowing y’all to comment upon the proposal.
What’s more, I have 19 rules right now. I will add two more rules via y’all’s rules. Post your suggestions on our wall below, email them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org, and as always Tweet them to me as well.
Now, let’s finish the season in drinking style:
1. Every time Brent Musberger refers to Kirk Herbstreit as “Herby,” drink.
I know, we’re coming straight HAM out of the gate and some of y’all might die by the end of the first quarter.
So, I’ve devised our first ever drink shield for those playing in groups, the first person to scream, “Montana” — Musberger’s home state — after a Herby is dropped, may assign these drinks to a person of his or her choice.
If you’re drinking alone, sigh, just drink.
2. If you’re male and know the first or last name of Erin Andrews’ Dancing With the Stars partner, do a shot.
We have standards here.
I’m doing a shot by myself as I write this Saturday night in New Orleans.
3. if a girl walks in during the game and says, “Who’s that?” while pointing at Herbstreit, everyone has to do a shot.
If a guy walks in during the game and says, “Who’s that?” while pointing at Herbstreit, everyone has to punch him.
4. Whenever the cameras catch Les Miles palm clapping, drink.
If you do not know what a palm clap is, here is an instructional video.
5. When sideline reporter Tom Rinaldi comes on the screen for the first time, if he’s ever made you cry, take a shot.
If you don’t take a shot you are a lying, heartless fiend.
However, if Tom Rinaldi makes you or anyone you are watching the game with cry during a sideline report, that person is forced to drink Mike’s Hard Lemonade for the night.
Have them handy just in case.
6. Every time highlights of the first game are shown, drink.
If the missed Alabama field goals are shown in slow-motion, drink anew.
7. If the idea of a split national title is discussed or telestrated, drink.
If Kirk Herbstreit refers to my idea of a split national title as “more absurd than Clay Travis’s beard,” break a liquor bottle over your head.
8. When the Honey Badger is referenced, drink.
If ESPN breaks out the wikipedia definition like CBS did or shows clips from this YouTube video, do a shot.
9. My dad asked if me if they called Tyrann Mathieu the Honey Badger because he was from Wisconsin.
If you can convince someone you are watching the game with that this is the reason for the nickname, you can assign a shot to a person of your choice. (If someone shoots down your attempt because he or she is a jerk, then the room may assign them a shot instead).
10. When Jordan Jefferson’s legal troubles are mentioned, drink.
If Brent Musberger intones, “Mo money, mo problems,” and wistfully sighs, finish your beer.
11. The moment that Brent Musberger makes either an oblique or readily apparent gambling reference, drink.
Drink anew if you can determine which side of the line he has wagered upon.
12. When Nick Saban stares directly into the camera during an interview like he is staring directly into your soul, drink.
Also, pray he doesn’t choke you to death Darth Vader style.
13. If the SEC’s BCS dominance is referenced via graphic or highlight package, drink.
If you are not from the South, you have to drink twice for being from a region that sucks in football.
14. Every time the camera captures a grown ass man with Bama Bangs, drink.
If you are not certain whether or not they are Bama Bangs, they are.
15. When the cameras capture a hot girl in the crowd and you pause your DVR, drink.
If you debate whether or not she flashed her boobs for beads on Bourbon Street, drink again. (And the answer is always, yes).
If one of your buddies texts you to make sure you saw this hot chick in the crowd, do a shot for every text you receive. (You may limit this to one shot if your buddy is also playing the drinking game and is trying to make you pass out).
16. If you see an extremely obese black man in the crowd and think, “Damn, that looked like a fat JaMarcus Russell,” that was actually JaMarcus Russell.
17. Whenever it is mentioned that punter Brad Wing is from Australia, drink.
If one of your friends says that he is jealous of the amount of ass Brad Wing gets, drink anew.
It’s sad, but true, Brad Wing’s groupies are smoking.
18. When Les Miles uses the words “want,” “multiplicity,” or “perimeter” in any interview, drink.
If he uses all three in the same interview, do a shot.
If Erin Andrews subversively uses any of these Miles words while keeping a straight face, drink as well.
19. If either Herbstreit or Musberger make a reference to the drinking game, drink.
This means they too have become self-aware.
Okay, the rules are here. Let me know what you think of them and suggest your proposed revisions or additions.
Go buy your beer this weekend.
And get ready to party like you’re on Bourbon Street. Even though, you know, you’ll just be sitting in your house by yourself with your wife yelling at you not to wake up the baby.